Time is becoming more and more abstract for me in my 30’s. My critical and somewhat traditional mind thought it was because I had yet to get married and have children. That is so not it. My life is still evolving with the marriage and kids or without. Not moving for five years has made me realize all of this. As my friend Matty tried to simply explain to me in college, “wherever you go, there you are.” Simple, but not easy for me to realize. I am continually forming new relationships, moving forward in my life as an artist and learning from the choices my friends, family and I myself make. I appreciate this more than ever because I am cultivating who I really am inside rather than escaping whatever those fears I have been avoiding as I chase my own tail. Don’t get me wrong, I am so grateful to have lived in the most exciting cities in the world and encourage everyone to travel as much as they can. However, living in San Francisco for five years and moving up and down in the same place has forced me to face myself and the void within. I think of my uncle who chooses to live in an ashram in the Himalayas for the past twenty years and most likely, for the rest of his life. Time inevitably will move us forward and I am now more and more aware of the present. Life is a fluid abstraction where space to move, breathe, feel and love become most valuable. Simply, I look down at my feet and say, this is exactly where I am supposed to be.
I want to highlight some of 2011 and try to do this each year. My Grandma would wonder why I am making this public and not just place this in a album. You remember those with the sticky pages and the plastic which goes over each page?) This will be a longer and more personal post but this blog is about my life as an open visual diary…. Sorry Grams….it has gotten way too complicated.
My first week of 2011 was spent at Esalen in Big Sur on an artist residency. I spent the entire time staring at the ocean sitting by a waterfall, giving a talk on my work and sitting in the hot springs. It is impossible to express how important this place is to me. When I am in a difficult place of pain or sadness, it is magnified and impossible not to face. When I am happy, I am elated in this landscape. It is my place of self measure and a spot I hope to visit for the rest of my life.
In February, I moved into a beautiful apartment in San Francisco with my 23 year old sister Bailey. I left for college when Bailey was six years old. It has been the sweetest reunion.
Making Yi’s Beach in the Marin Headlands for Taylor De Cordoba’s Five Year Anniversary Show. It sold too!
Late Winter spent the most wonderful week in Tulum, Mexico. Thank you P.
A very old friend came back into my life. You never know what is behind the next door and he literally did show up at my front door. I have been there for him when I wasn’t able to be in the past. We are now great friends. As he moves into a very new chapter in life, I encourage him buy my friends art as a form of therapy.
Spring was in Full Bloom and I spent time clowning around with my ninety-seven year old Gramies. A sense of humor and getting over yourself was her mantra.
Said goodbye to a really sweet one after ten months of pretty much constant fun.
June 25th….and so my time came to realize and seriously stop that which was doing me no favors whatsoever.
Late Summer I traveled to Georgia to visit my friend who was working on a film project. I had my palm read by Psychic Sonia who told me I must return to the ocean and make my work.
Drove to the ghost town of Bodie in the Sierras. I stayed in a pretty scary old motel room by myself. The trailer was outside my door and I was not sure who was inside. I saw Mono Lake for the first time. I have to admit, I was a bit underwhelmed.
Early Fall. A magical night in Pt. Reyes. Deep thick fog, elk and phosphorescence. My mind was blown away and it was by far one of the most incredibly beautiful experiences of my life. Right here…in my backyard!
Felt like I had mono for weeks, self prescribed myself a colonic and discovered a MASSIVE parasite. I mean scary! Always listen to your body. My doctor thought I was depressed. As a very patient friend researched and discovered, I most likely got the parasite while I was in rural Georgia devouring the fallen heirloom tomatoes. There was no way I got it in Mexico because sustenance consisted of Tequila and tortilla chips. I must have known something was up when I took this photo.
Visited NYC to look at ART. My favorite work was a mosaic on the wall of a housing project and an artist from San Francisco. This was another sign to keep thinking about work in the Bay Area. I also wandered around the west village and poked my head into the courtyard of my old apartment building. Those were two great years. I miss Chumleys!
Wake up on my 35th birthday 11/11/11 in Big Sur.
Celebrated Thanksgiving at Stinson Beach with my family and friends. I fell in love with Stinson all over again. I ran up and down the beach for one week.
My dear, sweet and inspiring friend has identical twin girls, Eloise and Alice. After watching my friends’ life progress so intimately for the past five years, I was brought to some serious tears of joy.
All and all, I would say 2011 was a year full of wonderful blessings. It was simple and at times not easy but in this life where unexpected things happen constantly, every moment seemed like a gift to remind me how sweet my life is right now. Take it in, be grateful and give something sweet in return.